God is STILL good.

Up until about a month ago, I have had a pretty easy life. I have grown up in house with incredible parents who loved and supported me, i went to college, i have a job, etc. It is because of all of these things that I used to have a skewed view of my Heavenly Father. I used to think that something bad was just around the corner. My life was too good. Sure, I had endured small struggles but never had I experienced something that was life altering. To put it simply, I feared God and his wrath in an unhealthy way- not the respectful fear of the Lord spoken of in Scripture. I used to agonize over decisions fearing that God would punish me for making the wrong one. I was not living life under the freedom that Jesus offers when you accept him as Lord. 

As I struggled with this, the Lord drew me to Colossians 2:13-14 which says: 

"And you, who were dead in your trespasses and the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made alive together with him, having forgiven us all our trespasses by canceling the record of debt that stood against us with its legal demands. This he set aside, nailing it to the cross."

After reading this verse, I was reminded that my punishment has been paid and fulfilled. I don't need to act like I am walking on eggshells afraid that my Father is waiting for me to mess up. The freedom that comes with knowing Jesus Christ comes with grace so that when I sin and mess up (which is inevitable), His grace covers me. When bad things happen, they are not my punishment for sin. They are God drawing me to himself and refining me for the purposes of His glory. Sometimes, I need to be disciplined just like when I was little and needed a spanking from my dad but when discipline comes, I don't need to be afraid of it. I say all of this because it is only God's timing that I was learning this before my dad passed away. 

If I had still been living under the fear of something bad happening, then my faith would have crumbled on May 15th. That type of faith was not based on the fact that Jesus died on the cross and rose again and is alive today. That faith would have said, no way God is good. He just let my perfectly healthy dad die. But thank the Lord that he was refining my faith before Dad was taken from us. It is because He brought me to this realization that I was able to say, "I still believe." This is not a punishment for my sins, it is God bringing glory to Himself. I was listening to a podcast yesterday of a man who had lost his son recently. When his wife called to tell him the bad news, his first words were, "Christ has risen from the dead and that is still true and God is still good." While I would like to say that those were my first words after my dad's Spirit went up to Heaven, that is however what I try to focus on now. My circumstances have changed, but God has not. He is STILL Sovereign, good, faithful, loving, merciful, etc. and I am so thankful I can count on Him. 

"Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have HOPE: because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions NEVER fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."  Lamentations 3:21-23 

Purpose

One of my dad's favorite books was "The Red Sea Rules" by Robert J. Morgan. He gave it to everyone! Seriously though, if you knew my dad then he has probably given this book to you. Basically, it walks through 10 rules we can learn from the Israelites about suffering. As I was reading the other day, a small phrase jumped off the page that immediately brought peace:

"God doesn't waste suffering"

He doesn't waste it. All of the sleepless nights, tears and pain-there is a purpose and a plan in all of it!  In Proverbs 19:21 it says, 

"Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails."

When my dad was in the hospital, I kept thinking that there was no way God wouldn't heal him. I kept thinking about the countless number of people that would surely be reached for the Kingdom from my dad and our family testifying to the miracle of dad's healing. That was my plan. But the Lord's purpose prevails, not mine. He knew that more glory would be brought to Himself through my dad's death. Many different times throughout my life, I have thought that I knew what was best but praise Him that He knows far more than me and His ways are always perfect! Maybe one day when I reach eternity I will understand all of this but faith is about trusting and believing in God no matter what circumstances and difficulties come my way. That's all I can do right now-TRUST and BELIEVE. 

For His Glory,
Jessica

Perspective Changes

Why is it so hard to begin a blog post? I know what I want to talk about but I find it hard to actually get started. 

For the past few days, i have found myself feeling a sense of peace that is hard to come by. I am attributing it to prayer as well as a change in perspective. I have learned that the more I focus on the things my dad will not be here for (weddings, births, etc.), the more sad and dejected I get. However, there are two things, that have helped me shift my focus.

First, I have to think about the things my dad was here for- tennis matches, graduations, getting my first job, football games, teaching me how to drive a stick shift..the list could go on for days! What a blessing to have a dad through all of those things! So many of my "firsts" were with him (and mom too :) and I am unbelievably grateful. Thinking about these positive things is so uplifting! Never has Philippians 4:8 been so clearly understood. 

"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things."

When i think about such things, my heart is overcome with thankfulness to the Lord for the years I had with Dad instead of filled with anger and bitterness over the years I won't have with him. 

Secondly, I think about what my dad is experiencing in Heaven right now. On the Facebook page about my dad, someone posted that even if Dad had the chance to return back to us, he wouldn't. As much as he loved his family, he loved his Lord more. When I first read that, I found myself being a little offended and hurt. Of course, I want to think that my dad would come back to us if he could. Then, I began to realize how true that statement is. The Bible tells us that our love for our families should look like hate compared to how much we love Him (Luke 14:26). Dad had it right. In the past, I have never been very concerned with what Heaven will be like. I always knew that it's going to be better than anything I can imagine and that was enough for me. However, my interest in what Heaven will be like has significantly increased lately.I mean, I want to know what my dad is up to up there! :) One of the tools I am using to study it is a book called "Heaven" by Randy Alcorn. If you have never read it, I recommend it!   

One thing I want to make clear before I end today is that I do NOT have it all together. I still have breakdowns and bad days, but I am praying my way through it all. My God isn't going anywhere and I am resting on that promise today! 

For His Glory,
Jessica