I have severely neglected this blog. For a while, I thought it was just because I felt pressure to write or maybe because I didn't want to let anyone down. But about three weeks ago, I began to figure it out.
The reason I didn't have anything to write was because my inspiration was gone. When I started writing this summer, I was pouring my heart out to the Lord and he was filling me with words. My writing was an overflow of what He was doing in my life and the time I was spending with Him. I realized that I didn't have anything to write because I wasn't spending quality time with the Lord. You see, I had been reading my 3 minute devotional every morning but I was just going through the motions. My heart was not in it.
Ever since I moved back to Jackson in the fall, my heart had been wrestling with so many different things one of which was the apathy I had towards the Lord. I think that I felt so beaten down by what had happened in my life, I just didn't care. I knew the Lord was going to be there for me when I was ready but I just didn't want to spend time with the Lord.
About 2 weeks ago, something changed. One Sunday afternoon, after a very busy weekend, I finally got away and has some alone time. In the quiet, I finally broke down and started weeping. I was honest with the Lord about how much I still miss my dad, doubts I had been having and how I was just tired of going through the motions when it came to my spiritual life. It was like a weight was automatically lifted off of me. There is so much freedom in confessing to our God. When you think about it, He knows all our thoughts. (Psalm 139:23) It's silly when we think we can hide from Him and keep our thoughts a secret. Ever since that day, I have felt so much more joyful and at peace. This joy and peace has overflowed into my job and the way I treat my students as well. I spend more time praying and reading in the morning and it has made a world of difference.
I am so grateful to the Lord for being faithful and for not giving up on me. He is so patient with us and never leaves us and He promises that in his word (Deuteronomy 31:6). We can take comfort in knowing that there is room to have doubts and bad days and worries. And we can always share them with our Creator who knows them anyway and doesn't condemn us for them (Romans 8:1). AMEN to that!
For His Glory,
Jessica
