True Faith

I am officially back in Mississippi. It's great to be back but I am definitely missing the comforts of home and the slowness of summer. Today, I started back school and I anticipate that life will speed up quickly. Being back has also brought with it a flood of emotion as I learn how to live this part of my life without a very special person. 

Over the past few weeks, I had to put my grief on hold as I fought to stay positive about my mom's diagnosis. Walking through her diagnosis, surgery and then clean report (PRAISE!) subconsciously forced me to compartmentalize and detour from my grief. As I have returned back to my "normal" life here in MS, I have returned from this "detour" and I am facing it head on again. I still have sad, teary days but the Lord is gracious to also bring forth joy and smiles in the midst of it all.

At church on Sunday, the sermon was on prayer. As soon as my preacher began, I knew that his message was meant specifically for me. His message was one about being persistent in prayer. In his sermon, he referenced the parable of the persistent widow who begs for justice until  the judge finally grants it (Luke 18). What a wonderful picture of how we are to be persistent in our prayers. If the unjust, ungodly judge answered the woman whom he couldn't care less about, how much more will my Father who chose me and loves me answer me when I ask things. As I sat in my chair, I was thinking about how I asked for my dad's life and healing - my problem wasn't with the asking, it was with the answering. In God's perfect timing, it felt like my pastor had heard my thoughts as he continued on with the sermon. He referenced David, a man after God's own heart, who begged for his son to be healed. He fasted, tore his clothes and prayed unceasingly, yet his son still died. Sometimes, God answers with a "yes" or "no" but sometimes he answers with "not in this lifetime but in eternity." That, I believe is how God answered my prayer and the prayers of countless others. When we begged for Dad to have more time on this Earth and for him to get out of that hospital bed, God said "not in this lifetime, but in eternity." As I told someone the other day, I feel like I have begun to fully understand what it means to have faith. Before my dad died and my mom got sick, faith (to me) meant that I believed in Jesus Christ the Son of God, that he took my punishment on the cross to cleanse me of my sin and that he is alive today in Heaven. While all of that is still true, I now understand faith differently. My pastor summed it up so well: 

"True faith is not getting from God what you want. True faith is accepting from God what He gives." -Chip Henderson, Pine Lake

This definition goes right along with what I have been reading in the book of Job. Towards the beginning of the book, after Job loses his children, his cattle, and is afflicted with painful sores, Job's wife tells him to curse God and die. His response to her struck me to my core: 

"Shall we accept good from God and not trouble?" Job 2:10

Job knew that he could not accept the pleasant things from God and yet deny the troubles and tribulations as well. He knew that God was not being mean-hearted but that He was working things for His Glory. We have to accept what God gives us and have faith that He knows what He is doing. Daily, I have to remind myself that God is receiving glory and that is what matters. God and His Glory has to be enough for me. God and God alone. 

For His Glory,
Jessica

P.S. - I have a few prayer requests to bring to you:
-continued prayers for my family as we continue to walk through grief
-Please pray for me as I start back school: that I would adjust to my new school and speak the Gospel over my students daily as I seek to point them to our Savior
-Praise the Lord for my mom's clean bill of health from the doctor! 

And because I haven't posted a new photo in a while....

Tampa, FL circa 1998